when I was little, everything about the idea of being somewhere else kept me going. when I was 12, I couldn’t wait to finally turn 16, and then I couldn’t wait to finally turn 19, and then I couldn’t wait to finally turn 21. There must have been something greater out there, and everything leading up until then would be worth it. And now I don’t talk so much and I try not to think about things too much and feel just as displaced as ever. everyone else says that this is just how it is and how life is supposed to be and to suck it up, but god that sounds unappealing. And everything is okay but I want things to actually feel okay. whatever that means.